From the dawn of time humans have sought to advance their world with new technology, first came the wheel, then electricity, and most recently, Elon Musk. In this article I seek to explain why YUP! Milk is the next step into the future.

Now, many people would argue that it is too soon to declare another revolutionary invention after the foundation of Dippin’ Dots in 1988, however I will reveal why Dippin’ Dots are in reality an unrevolutionary and dare-I-say, harmful creation. Dippin’ Dots have often been dubbed the “ice cream of the future” when in reality it is the product of a science experiment gone wrong. The official Dippin’ Dots website states that the product was created by Curt Jones, a man experienced in cryogenic freezing. It is most likely that Jones was working on the cryogenic preservation of Walt Disney and accidentally froze him too cold and suddenly transformed into small milky balls. Many sources say that Walt Disney was never cryogenically frozen however they are only attempting to cover up the creation of Dippin Dots. Today Dippin’ Dots’ hire graverobbers to steal the bodies of the recently deceased in order to produce the creamy treat enjoyed by thousands every day. Despite Dippin’ Dots’ revolutionary taste and texture advances, it is clear that their fabrication process violates many health codes as well as human rights codes and are therefore detrimental to our society and future.

Now it is clear that no other revolutionary inventions are on the horizon I will help you understand the magic behind YUP! At its simplest form Yup! is light years beyond posers like YaZoo, Nesquick or the Louisiana band, Chocolate Milk. Yup! Chocolate milk comes in three distinct flavors. Chocolate is the most chocolate and taste like chocolate. Vanilla is from the vanilla bean plant which is grown in Madagascar and Mexico. Finally, strawberry.  From the very first sip of Yup! An overwhelming sense of chocolate creaminess and nothingness spreads through your body. Wait. what did I just say? Nothingness? You’re telling me their tagline is that YUP! is nothing? Thats right. Yup! has the ability to transform your world into nothing. Take away all worries and scares and teleport you into the world of nothing. What is the world of nothing you may ask. Well I will tell you. It is nothing. No worries or scares. No laughs or gaffs. Just nothing.

Personally, I hate YUP! It reminds me of drinking high fructose corn syrup mixed with dirt for color. That being said I do enjoy the experience of YUP! It’s like being the cool kid in school or having ray bans. At the end of the day probably not worth it but you feel like a bad ass drinking it.

By Escar Hallen