The construction of the new state-of-the-art science center, Le Centre Brown, has brought many new changes to campus. Though it more obviously marked the start of scaffolding being built, concrete being poured, and trucks being driven, it also sparked the start of raccoons being honored around campus.
If you’re a non-believer, you’re missing out. The raccoons are everywhere: in posters, emails, signs, and, of course, the flag hanging on the massive crane in the middle of campus. At this rate, true fans will probably soon be singing the Pledge of Raccoon-Allegiance every morning and making a secret raccoon handshake.
Dateline was starstruck by the WIS raccoon, and couldn’t help but send fan mail. Somehow, the busy raccoon found time to send a reply.
If you’re confused, don’t worry. We were too. When did this all start? Who is Archibald Kingsley Fernsby III? And does he really exist? Let’s go back to the start.
The first spotted raccoon poster was zip-tied to the construction fence at the start of construction in June of 2023. When students came back to school after winter break in January 2024, the iconic raccoon flag was added to the crane on site. Many noticed within a few hours back at school. What most haven’t noticed is that one of the banners with a mockup of the new building’s cafeteria has some visitors from the wildlife.
All throughout that time, Dale Temple, WIS Director of Facilities, has included pictures of raccoons and other animals in his emails to faculty and staff. Does he know something that we don’t?
Now the question: can raccoons even survive at WIS? According to the DC Department of Health, raccoons are highly adaptable; it’s entirely possible that one or more raccoons exist at WIS or in the forest around it. In fact, raccoons typically look for small, confined spaces like hollow tree stumps or attics to den in. Is that why the Carriage House air conditioning is so faulty?
If you or someone you know ever feels like looking for answers, be careful. The raccoon might be armed, rabid, or just generally violent.
In case you couldn’t tell, our fan mail to Archibald Kingsley Fernsby III just led us to more questions. Is the raccoon being held hostage? Is there even a raccoon? If so, where are you, Archibald Kingsley Fernsby III? But most importantly: When is the WIS merch store going to do a Gucci high fashion line featuring raccoon print?
